Yesterday I called the Euro Group a cabal, headed up by an unelected individual from the Netherlands. Today I have the proof. This is the statement by Dutch Finance Minister Jeroen Dijsselbloom, explaining just how things are done in the of diktats issued by cabals headed by usurpers and imposed on the Cypriots:

I that the political agreement reached on 16 March on the cornerstones of the adjustment programme and the financing envelope for Cyprus reflects the consensus reached by the Cypriot government with the Eurogroup.

Translation: I didn’t take notes. This wasn’t really a formal meeting, just a few of the boys getting together over drinks and determining other peoples’ financial futures.

The implementation of the reform measures included in the draft programme is the best guarantee for a more prosperous future for Cyprus and its citizens, through a viable financial sector, sound public finances and sustainable economic growth.

Translation: We know what’s best for them. That’s why we’re here. Trust us. We know what we are doing.

I reiterate that the stability levy on deposits is a one-off measure. This measure will – together with the international financial support – be used to restore the viability of the Cypriot banking system and hence, safeguard financial stability in Cyprus. In the absence of this measure, Cyprus would have faced scenarios that would have left deposit holders significantly worse off.

Translation: What’s really at stake here is “financial stability.” That means the banks. Always the banks. Ever the banks. If the banks fail, depositors will lose their money. Better that we do a bank robbery now than a bank robbery later.

The Eurogroup continues to be of the view that small depositors should be treated differently from large depositors and reaffirms the importance of fully guaranteeing deposits below EUR 100.000. The Cypriot authorities will introduce more progressivity in the one-off levy compared to what was agreed on 16 March, provided that it continues yielding the targeted reduction of the financing envelope and, hence, does not the overall amount of financial assistance up to EUR 10bn.

Translation: Under our deal everyone will be treated equally, except that some will be treated more equally than others, all in the name of equality. Oh, and while you’re at it, just make sure we get what we have demanded.

The Eurogroup takes note of the authorities’ decision to declare a temporary bank holiday in Cyprus on 19-20 March 2013 to safeguard the stability of the financial sector, and urges a swift decision by the Cypriot authorities and parliament to rapidly implement the agreed measures.

Translation: It’s ok to take a few days off and let things simmer down a little bit. The natives are getting restless. Just don’t take too long, though. We need the money.

The euro area Member States stand ready to assist Cyprus in its reform efforts on the basis of the agreed adjustment programme.

Translation: Don’t mess with us or we’ll bring in the big to show that we’re serious. We’re not elected or appointed. But we mean business. You bet.

This is how business is done in the brave new world. Cyprus is just a test case.

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